


Packaged Guilt

by lordmediator



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27035380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordmediator/pseuds/lordmediator
Summary: Kenma didn't really mind if the day was sunny or dark, until Kuroo tells him Hinata is in the hospital.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma
Comments: 29
Kudos: 198





	Packaged Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> Set after the Tokyo Training Camp arc

Kuroo checked his phone to see why it was buzzing and was a little surprised to see the name of Karasuno’s captain.

“Hello—”

_“Hinata is in the hospital.”_

Kuroo stopped, mouth still open in mid-greeting, as those words slowly processed into his head.

“What?” he breathed out, eyes blown wide, his hand which held his phone trembled. It was an unconscious movement, but Kuroo looked over to his left, where Kenma stood. 

The shorter teen was already looking up at him in concern, the game he was playing on his phone flashing the bright pause sign. 

_“We—”_ Daichi continued, yet his voice was thick, already telling him that whatever he was going to say next was going to be worse. _“—the doctors are doing everything they can, but…”_ he trailed off, just as his voice reached a pitch that meant he was on the verge of cracking. _“—they’re not sure if he’s…”_

Going to make it.

The Nekoma captain bit his bottom lip, fear with a hint of anger riding his veins, and suddenly he couldn’t pay attention to anything else. Not Kenma’s furrowed brows or anxious looks, not the fact that his team all quieted down to stare at their captain’s scrunched up face. Not the bleeding red-orange sunrays that filtered through their gym windows and open doors. 

“How?!” Kuroo exclaimed, nearly yelling into his phone. “What happened.”

 _“A hit and run,”_ Daichi answered with a sniff, just as Kuroo’s breath hitched. He’s heard of how Hinata biked to school over a freaking mountain every morning just to get to school. It’s how he built up his stamina. _“The driver has not been caught yet.”_

“Fuck,” Kuroo hissed, eyes narrowed, glaring at no one in particular but his teammates flinched from it regardless. 

They had never seen their captain so upset. The way the corners of his lips tugged down into a snarl, and the way his eyes seemed to glow with fury made him look like a predator out to kill. They all wanted to chime in, to ask what was wrong and who he was talking to, but they knew better than to interrupt whatever important news he was receiving from the person on the other end of the line.

 _“There’s more…”_ Daichi added, sounding more solemn than ever, and Kuroo felt his stomach sink further. _“Please be gentle with Kozume-san when you tell him this.”_

Kuroo blinked confusedly, stealing a glance at his best friend. “What do you mean?”

There was shuffling in the background before Daichi replied. _“Hinata was going to send Kozume-san some sort of package. I don’t know what it was, but he was on his way to the post office when it_ _happened. I’m sorry…”_

Kuroo never felt such dread and never felt so sick as he slowly turned to Kenma, mouth hanging agape. How was he supposed to tell this to Kenma, who would undoubtedly be the most affected by this sudden news? The setter only arched his brows further down, trying to analyze why Kuroo was looking at him with such a horrified expression. 

This would crush him. This would crush Kenma to pieces if he knew. Yet Kuroo couldn’t just not tell him. If Hinata didn’t make it out of this, then it would destroy him. 

Taking a deep breath, Kuroo clutched his phone tighter. “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. It’s that asshole’s fault.” He referred to the hit-and-run driver. If that bastard ever came forward, then he’d make sure to pay. “Where are you guys now?”

_“Miyagi General Hospital. Me, Suga, Asahi and Kageyama are here now, but the rest of Karasuno are on their way.”_

Nodding more to himself, Kuroo loudly exhaled, already feeling the emotional drain. “Okay, got it.”

_“I know it’s not the weekend, but it felt wrong not to tell Kozume-san since he’s... you know…”_

A sad smile somehow found its way onto Kuroo’s face. “You did the right thing. I would’ve done the same thing if I was in your shoes. I’ll let him know. In fact, I’m pretty sure it won’t be just him coming. He’ll make it. You know he will.” 

There were a few seconds of silence, and Kuroo could hear the Karasuno captain smiling, if not a small one. _“Yes. He’s an athletic monster, after all.”_

 _“SHOYO! MY KOUHAI!”_

_“DID THEY CATCH THE BASTARD?!”_

He recognized the two voices as Karasuno’s Tanaka, the one close to Tora, and the other one was their libero, the one Yaku highly respected. 

_“I have to go now, but I’ll text if anything happens,”_ Daichi added.

“Yeah… Thank you for telling me.”

 _“I’ll see you soon,”_ Daichi said, which implied he knew Kuroo was going to come with Kenma to Miyagi. 

Which Kuroo was not going to deny. “Yeah, see you too.”

The minute the volleyball captain put down his phone, his teammates swarmed him. He expected them to act like this, but it didn’t make what he was about to say any easier. He had been careful in not giving out any specifics as to who he was talking to. There were a few times he nearly slipped up saying Sawamura or referred to Hinata as Chibi-chan yet he refrained. If he had let any of those clues slip, then he knew his team would assume the worst and they’d go out of their minds worrying like hell. 

“Kuroo?” Kenma's brows were drawn in together, and pouting indignantly. Yet his best friend didn’t ask any questions, patiently waiting for him to explain the situation himself.

He gazed around his teammates one more time. Aside from Kenma, Hinata was also quite close with Lev and Inuoka. He dared say that the Shrimpy had the most friends in Nekoma which was honestly not surprising anymore. The three of them were the most likely to either rush to the next train to Miyagi or be the most devastated by the news. He was leaning towards the latter.

But Kenma’s relationship with Hinata was tier above the rest. The fact that the shrimp was on his way to deliver a package for Kenma was a sign in itself.

There was no easier way to put it, so he decided to be as blunt as possible. “Hinata is in the hospital. A hit and run.”

“What!” Lev was the first to react, eyes wide.

“Oh no…” Inuoka’s hand flew to his mouth.

While everyone else was obviously mortified by the news, Kuroo noted how many of their eyes drifted towards Kenma. 

The setter stood frozen, his arms fell limp. 

“Sawamura-san was the one who called me, Karasuno’s captain,” he explained further. “He called from the hospital. He wanted us to know.”

“How is he?” Yaku piped up. 

That was the question he was dreading the most. With lips pressed firmly against each other, Kuroo found it becoming harder and harder to look anyone in the eye. 

Marching right up to the taller one, Kenma glowered. “Kuroo, how is he?” he demanded. 

Kuroo’s mouth was dry, and it was like something was lodged in his throat. “…The doctors don’t think he’s going to make it.” 

He hated saying it. He hated how it tasted in his mouth, he hated that he had to be the one to tell them, to tell Kenma, uttering those words that felt so wrong and so hurtful. 

Kenma staggered away from Kuroo, lips quivering. “No… Shoyo…” His voice cracked, and Yaku was next to him to make sure Kenma wouldn’t fall to his knees. “Shoyo…”

“No way… no fucking way…” Tora mumbled, pain and disbelief evident in his voice. “It’s… It’s the Shrimp though! That guy has like a limitless battery of energy! There’s no way he’d let something like this screw him over!”

Kenma whimpered. Yaku glared. “Yamamoto, think over your words carefully!”

“S-Sorry…” he spoke softly. “But… Kenma! Have faith in the little guy! You know him best! I bet he’s fighting as we speak!”

A few agonizing seconds of silence stretched on as they slowly sunk in his words. Lev and Inuoka were the first to recover. 

“Y-Yeah! Hinata is Hinata! I bet once he recovers, he’s going to go straight to volleyball practice!” Inuoka nudged Lev, while also giving a pointed look to Kenma. 

“R-Right!” Lev exclaimed. “Hinata may be small, but he’s a fighter! The strongest fighter out of all of us!” 

Their words registered in Kenma’s mind, but they were lost to the torrent of emotions and thoughts that swirled with him. _Not going to make it. Not going to make it. Hit and run. Not going to make it._ The doctors believed Shoyo wouldn’t make it. Which meant… he was going to lose Shoyo. One of the few people that got him to open up so easily? One of the few people that Kenma felt more than comfortable around? His best friend that who only ever wanted to play volleyball? 

“K-Kenma-san?” Lev stuttered out, after their setter remained worriedly quiet.

Losing Shoyo would be like the clouds blocking the sun in preparation for the gloomy rain to pour down on everyone. Except this time, the sun would be out forever, never to appear again. Never to smile down with his blinding smile. Never to shine so brightly with his unperturbed optimism. Never to motivate others again with his unending energy and determination to continue growing and become better.

_“Are those volleyball shoes?”_

_“Kenma, look! This cat looks just like you!”_

_“Do you like volleyball?”_

_“Kenma! I’m close to Tokyo now! Can’t wait for you to show me your gaming collection!” ___

____

____

_“…I’ll make you say it!”_

He couldn’t. He couldn’t do it. He tried imagining life without Hinata Shoyo, but the moment he did, his heart lurched so painfully that his eyes began to sting.

“Kenma!” Kuroo shook him by the shoulders, effectively snapping the blonde setter out of his thoughts. “Kenma…”

Had it been anyone else, Kenma probably would’ve snapped and slap their hands away. Instead, Kenma turned away from everyone’s prying eyes, away from their pity, and marched up to his bag. He understood why everyone was looking at him in particular like that, but he didn’t need that right now. What he needed was to get to Miyagi before it was too late.

Sniffing and wiping the stray tears that managed to escape his eyes, Kenma zipped his bag shut and made his way out of the room.

“Kenma!” he heard Yaku yell behind him. “Are you—”

“Yeah,” Kenma had never cut off Yaku before, much less respond so sharply when he knew his senpai was just concerned, but in the moment, he couldn’t hold his voice back. Did they need to ask when they already knew where he was going? He wasn’t going to let something as insignificant as classes get in the way of seeing—what he hoped wouldn’t be the last time—of Shoyo. 

“Kenma, wait!” Kuroo shouted, shuffling could be heard behind him. “I’m coming with you!” Kenma didn’t need to stop for Kuroo to catch up, as he did anyways. 

He eyed his taller friend for a few seconds, before taking off.

Once they sat down on their seats in the train, the air was thick between them. Not exactly uncomfortable, but not the easygoing silence they had long established since they began going to and from school together. Kenma could tell there was something Kuroo wanted to say, but if it was just more words of assurance, then he’d just respond with his usual ‘Yeah.’

“There’s something else I should tell you…” Kuroo finally confessed, head down, his shoulders tense despite his back languidly leaning back against the seat. 

The way he said that, his choice of words, made Kenma’s panic bubble a little more. _‘Something else I should tell you.’_ Not _‘something I should say to you.’_ Which meant Kuroo knew something about Hinata’s situation that he purposefully didn’t say in front of the team, and waited until the two of them were alone. Whatever it was, Kenma had more reason to believe that it wasn’t good.

“What?” Kenma asked.

Kuroo finally met Kenma’s eyes, brows furrowed painfully, as if whatever he was about to say was physically hurting him. “Chibi-chan was on his way to the post office when… it happened. And…” Kuroo closed his eyes as he paused, which Kenma knew was what his childhood best friend did whenever he needed to steel his nerves for something he was nervous about. “He was going to send a package to Tokyo. That package… was for _you._ ”

The train entered a tunnel just as those words left Kuroo’s mouth, the click-clack motions of the wheels and the strum of lights streaking across their faces nearly masked the weight those words carried.

Despite the train reaching the end of the tunnel, and the world returned to a brighter day, the world never looked so dark, as heavy guilt washed over Kenma’s entire being.

………

When they arrived at the hospital, the first thing Kenma saw as he rounded the corner, was a small little girl with the same orange hair as the person he had been thinking about this whole time. Crying in the arms of a middle-aged woman he recognized was Hinata’s mother. Behind them, were the Karasuno boys’ volleyball club, including their two coaches and managers, standing around the pair.

Their mother was the first to notice them as she looked up from her crying daughter’s shoulder. “Oh, Kenma-kun. Tetsuro-kun.”

Karasuno looked up. Daichi was the first to get up and greet his fellow captain. However, Natsu, upon seeing Kenma, squirmed out of her mother’s arms and ran right to him. 

“Kenma-nii!” Natsu cried out.

The teen kneeled to greet the small girl with a forlorn smile. “Hey, Natsu.”

“Kenma-nii…” she sniffed, snot and tears all over her face. Just like her brother when he cries, Kenma thought. “Nii-chan, he’s… Nii-chan was hurt really badly.”

“I know, Natsu. I know,” he wanted to comfort the girl, he really did. But wouldn’t that just be making empty promises? Without knowing what to say, Kenma settled with patting her head.

“And mama said,” she hiccupped, fruitlessly wiping her tears that continued to fall down her round cheeks like waterfalls. “M-Mama said that nii-chan… is g-gone now. And that he’s not in pain anymore…” Kuroo made a sound choking sound, looking at Daichi, questions all over his face and Kenma froze where he kneeled. “B-But K-Kenma-nii, I don’t want to be an only child!”

That seemed to be the final trigger for everyone.

Sugawara covered his face with both hands, sobbing out loud. Yamaguchi came to his vice-captain’s side, drawing slow circles on his back, as the pinch server tried and failed to hold back his own tears. Tsukishima kept a still face, the light in the hallway reflecting through his glasses in a way that hid his eyes, yet his slightly parted lips gave his emotions away. And Kageyama had his back turned to everyone, facing the hallway that led to the emergency room.

Tanaka and Nishinoya had similar expressions, both biting their lips, shoulders shaking, and tears streaming down their faces. Asahi stood between the two known hotheads and held their shoulders. Ennoshita, Narita and Kinoshita could barely hold back their own sobs. Takeda kept wiping his eyes with the sleeves of his jacket, Ukai kept his head down, Yachi was bawling her eyes out, Shimizu had her arms around her kouhai while silently crying.

Daichi tried remaining stone-faced, but his expression twisted in anger. He was angry. Angry at the world, angry at life, angry at everything for taking away his kouhai, someone with so much potential at such a young age. Why? Just what did Hinata do to deserve this?

Kuroo he had mentally prepped himself numerous times for pep talk and encouragement whenever his teammates needed it. He had already held back in informing Bokuto and Akaashi, waiting until they got to Miyagi and he learned of how Hinata was. 

But he wasn't sure what to say now. He was hoping—had hoped so badly they’d make it on time. He had prayed to whoever was up there not to take away the little monster. Not the one who managed to befriend Kenma after just a brief encounter. Not the one who Bokuto saw as his disciple. Not the one who made their training camp that much more enjoyable.

But it seemed the universe hated them, because they took him. 

Kenma and Natsu hugged each other. Who initiated the hug first, it didn’t really matter, but the two of them clung to each other in their shared agony over someone they cherished deeply and Kuroo never hated life more than he did now.

“Kozume-san.” 

Kenma looked up to see Kageyama looming over him, a medium sized brown-box in his hands. The ravenette setter looked down at the older teen with cold eyes. Everyone else paused in their crying to see who was talking, sensing the tension in the air. Kuroo and Daichi stiffened, just as everyone else wondered if this exchange was going to end in a scuffle.

By this point, Natsu’s wails had turned into small huffs and sniffs, so Kenma deemed it okay enough to let go of the girl and stood up to face the other setter. Kenma wondered which one of Karasuno would blame him first, and it seemed he was right in suspecting Kageyama to be the one. He knew Hinata was Kageyama’s best friend in Miyagi, the only person capable of keeping up with him, so it made sense for him to blame Kenma.

“Kageyama, that’s…” Sugawara stood up as well, not wanting anyone to fight.

“Ah, right,” Hinata’s mother wiped her tears away. “The package Shoyo wanted to send Kenma-kun. Tobio-kun has been holding onto it this whole time. Shoyo wouldn’t have wanted it to get damaged, after all.” 

Kenma switched his gaze between her and the first year, not knowing who to look at. Kageyama made the decision for him, taking another step forward. Two calculative pair of eyes, one cobalt blue, the other a golden brown. “Kozume-san, before you say anything, I just want to say that we don’t blame you.” Kenma must’ve looked perplexed, as Kageyama further explained. “Hinata’s death isn’t your fault.”

“But—”

“It’s really not!” he insisted, making Kenma flinch. “If…” his face softened, and his grip on the box tightened. “If that dumba—” Kageyama stopped himself, pain filtering through his features before he resumed his icy façade. “If he were here, and found out we blamed you for what happened, he’d be upset.” 

Daichi was feeling a mix of emotions, a lot of them negative, but he had to admit, he was proud of Kageyama for being the first one to tell Kenma that he wasn’t at fault. 

“Take it,” Kageyama handed him the box, and it was now Kenma realized that Kageyama’s voice and eyes were more listless than cold. Vacant. Empty. Like the life was sucked out of him. “It’s yours.”

At a loss for words, Kenma did the only thing he felt was the right thing to do and take the box, feeling the hard carboard graze his hands and the weight of the package. It was lighter than he expected. “…Thank you.”

……

Kenma wanted to be alone when he opened Hinata’s package for him. Natsu and her mother had to go fill out some more papers and make a few phone calls. Kuroo understood that his best friend needed some alone time so he stayed with the rest of Karasuno. Kenma promised to come to them when he was ready. 

When he found an empty hallway leading to a tall window at the end of it, Kenma sat down on one of the empty chairs and just stared at the brown box. Now left with his own thoughts, and without any distractions, the full devastation hit him like the fresh gashes of a monster that was chasing you through the forest of a survival game. Except this time, there was no medical kit, potions, items or any ally to help heal you. 

Taking a deep breath, Kenma tore off the tape and slowly opened the box. 

The first thing he saw was a folded red hoodie taking up most of the space. Taking out the hoodie, he noticed a cute little calico cat doodled right in the middle. Right beside the cat was a black crow with orange hair. Strangely, he found himself smiling again, looking at the crudely drawn doodles of what he knew was supposed to be him and Hinata as their mascots.

Looking back inside the box, there was a folded piece of paper sitting crookedly in the middle. 

The slightest bit of apprehension crawled up Kenma’s spine. He wasn’t sure if he could handle whatever was written in there. 

But he had a feeling if he didn’t open it now, he might never open it in the future. 

So, he took out the white paper and unfolded it, instantly recognizing Hinata’s handwriting. However, when he registered just what the letter said, Kenma’s heart stopped.

His fingers turned cold as he gripped the letter. His eyes blurred with tears and a strangled sob escaped his mouth. Cold. Everything was so cold now. The letter, the box, the hallway, his hands, his body. Everything was so cold without him. 

He didn’t care who saw him anymore. He didn’t care if anyone saw him crying like a broken faucet because that’s exactly how he felt. 

Clutching the red hoodie in one hand, and the letter in the other hand, Kenma held both items to his chest, doubling over while he cried his eyes out. The words written on the letter rang in his head, as he could imagine Hinata saying it to him like always did in his cheerful voice, like he was still there.

_Happy Birthday Kenma!_

_I would’ve sent this to you on your actual birthday, but we have practice until late at night so I had no choice but to send it earlier. Hope you still like it! Can’t wait to play against Nekoma again!_

_-Shoyo_

**Author's Note:**

> Kenma woke up to the blinding morning light from his window. He stared at his ceiling for a couple of seconds until he suddenly remembered Kuroo's pained look, the trip to Miyagi, Natsu's tears, and Kageyama handing him a box.
> 
> "A dream-" hope and relief momentarily flooded through Kenma, until he looked down. 
> 
> He was wearing the hoodie with the crudely drawn cat and crow together. A familiar wrinkled piece of paper with a few sentences written on it laid a feet from his left hand on the bed. His phone, that was charging on the bed close to the his pillow, stared back at him with the date today.
> 
> ...
> 
> The above was something I added, but ultimately decided remove and to just put here in the end notes for like an extra or an epilogue or something like that, cause I like how it ended on the letter more.
> 
> Now excuse me while I cry in hell for doing this to myself and my babies, especially on Kenma's actual birthday.
> 
> Thank you for reading and hope you stay safe wherever you are in the world!


End file.
